[The following is a spontaneous post direct from Raw, just because I felt like it. Hope you have a really lovely day today.]
Happy New Year! Because I was still recovering from being sick, Dave and I didn’t do anything last night but sit by the fire and read. And then go to bed around 10 for more of same. Then, at 11, suddenly Dave was kneeling by the bed with wine glasses and champagne–except it wasn’t, it was Martinellie’s sparkling cider. I laughed and fell in love.
He sat on the edge of the bed and we poured glasses and toasted to a bunch of things. Best of all, we spent a few minutes trying to really look into each other’s eyes until we got that flicker–that little bolt of connection that can happen when you give that kind of looking a chance. It was so wonderful. I had a 2nd glass. Yep, we really went to town.
While we drank, we reflected on what a HUGE year it was. TWO of our five kids got married. I finally finished and sold my book (and the finishing was by far the greater miracle, as we’d both begun to suspect by now that it wasn’t a project with an actual end, but part of a new mental illness I had). Dave got to acquire some amazing authors for Convergent–of the kind he never dreamed he’d be going after because in one way or another, they’re edgy for the Christian market. We got to go to New York and see two plays and watch ice skaters at Bryant park. We got to go to the Grand Canyon in the camper, too. And it was as big as I hoped, but still small next to God.
I am blessed beyond belief. So blessed that I don’t think I can ask for more blessings in good conscience, until I remember that God’s blessings aren’t limited and someone else isn’t lacking because I am not. Maybe what I need to pray isn’t that I get less blessed but that I become more of a blessing to others because of it. I don’t pay forward nearly enough of what I get.
I keep thinking about my blog, and how easy it is to forget that IT’S NOT about me. Yesterday’s post was all about me. And yet, I have to remember that writers write out of our lives in the hopes that others will relate. But still, God help me, I want to learn how to write to and for my readers, how to serve them with a whole heart, how to encourage and uplift them.
Today is another white day. I overslept. I hope to write a post and otherwise just clean up Christmas. Pack it away. That sounds so sad, doesn’t it? This morning I started at the front of my daily Bible again and of course, it is all off, so far as timing. Mary and Joseph are just now having Jesus and the wise men worshipping–with exceeding joy.
Exceeding joy. I’d like some of that in association with worship. Do I do enough of that? Just get on my knees and say thank you a hundred times in a hundred ways? I don’t. Help me, God.
I was inspired this morning by Elizabeth Esther’s blog from yesterday. She’s planning to actually blog every day this year, just let it blab out. Amazing. I wish I could embrace that kind of spontanéité. I worry too much that people will get tired of me filling up their inbox without enough to say to warrant taking up the space.
But personally, I think EE is brilliant and amazing and funny and I can’t wait to read her posts every day.
This morning, Dave was getting ready to walk Edmund just as I was finally getting up. He told me that Edmund hates his coat, that after he put it on him for the walk, Edmund didn’t want to go anymore, so he took it off. I balked. “No way! He loves his coat!” So I grabbed it and put it back on Edmund while Dave waited, leash in hand.
“Whatever,” Dave said, and they went. But I have to admit, Edmund did look a bit abashed. Still, I wonder if it’s not Dave who is embarrassed to walk a dog in a coat. Is that a man thing? Is it also a little embarrassing for a man to walk a small dog? Does Dave feel inadequate somehow when he passes what we always remind Edmund are “real” dogs?
Bah. No, Dave is too much of a man for that. And yes, I am in still in love from last night so I might be a little blind.
Love it! Thanks so much, Heather. Blessings.
I think your writing is one way of paying it forward, so give yourself a star for that!
Yesterday I opened a new book to read in the new year, one I’d given Scott a while ago. And one of the first things I had to do was to flip to the acknowledgements page to see who this author needed to thank because of course I’m always curious to see which Christian writing industry people pop up there. And whose name should leap out at me from the page? Yours! The book is Mark Buchanan’s Your God Is Too Small, which seems like just the right stuff for me as I enter into a fresh new year. And when I saw that you had provided some “eleventh hour” chapter re-titling and shuffling, I was glad to know you’d had a hand in producing this fine book (which husband loved and I know I will too). It made me feel just a little more blessed to be diving into something new, something I know will help me grow in the upcoming year. And I’m pretty sure I saw God wink and nod.
wonderful adorable post.
Thanks for saying that, Sharon.
Edmund is adorable!
That’s so funny coming from a black cat. Love. So cute.
I need more RAW Heather in my inbox!!
Have I mentioned how much I love you and Dave? Just thought I’d say it again. ‘Cuz it’s true. xoxo. Happy New Year. (I tried to get Darby in a coat. She hated it, too. She gave me all kinds of reproachful looks!). 
You’re so funny. I want to meet Darby. Yeah, the thing that makes Raw work for me is that it doesn’t fill up anyone’s inbox and you have to come find it on the site and choose to read it–so I don’t feel pressure to make it any good. Is that a bad thing?
Now and then what I write there makes it onto my real blog. Dave thinks this makes me a Doubly Weird Exhibitionist. I agree. But God manufactured me, right? Hugs a bunch, Heather
Yay!!!!!!!
Awww. You make me smile.
I want to blog about my relationship with God (constantly) and overcoming a past of abuse and addictions, but because my husband subscribes to my posts (and he isn’t a believer, or a man of many words, nor complicated issues) it makes me self conscious to no end. I find my posts lacking in authenticity & transparency… and then to top it off , 2 very unwelcome visitors from my ‘darker-days’ recently stumbled (?!) across my blog. (My bad for using my real name I suppose?) Ack. Blogs really do connect people and have the power to impact those who land there intentionally or by chance. I have had to make mine private recently for my own safety/peace of mind, but I miss the random encounters with friendly and like-minded visitors. My heart longs to write, and I hope one day to be in a place where you and many others are in terms of connecting with others without FEAR. Anyways, I love it when I see there is a new post in my inbox from Sober Boots! I am excited to read your new book too! I am currently debating if I will come up with an alias – so I might reappear with a different name but same face
Happy New Year!!
Do the alias! I’d love to read it. Make sure to let me know. I love this honest comment and it makes me ache to think of you not being able to say what’s true. When I was still drinking, I stopped writing out of my life–worked only outside topical things–because once I couldn’t tell the truth, I had nothing left to say. I am praying for you right now. For a way forward. Love to you and hugs, Heather
Hi Heather! Watching the Rose Parade (too many horses and bands), slamming Martinelli shooters and reading your great blog. Saw Les Miserable last night. My mind is awash with themes of redemption. When I read your blogs I do it rembering your prelude story in your first book. You demonstrate that a glife cloaked in redemption is the most attractive thing other wounded people can witness. Thanks… And Happy New Year to you, Dave and the pup! (a dog in herringbone – a first for me!)
Thanks Tom! I loved Les Mis. I am trying to figure out what you mean by the prelude story in my first book. Are talking about Animal Fair? Happy New Year to you, too! And Edmund will get such a KICK out being called a pup. We’ve begun to talk disparagingly about his age, referring to him as an old man (he’s 8, or 56, not that old, really).
oh wow. I SO need to remember that someone else isn’t less blessed because I am…or that I am less blessed because someone else IS. Ya know. I’d like to be as pleased for the blessings of others as I am for my own. It don’t mean there’s less to go around. (baggage, I know) There is a Rumi poem that has been set to music called Hundreds of Ways.
“Let the beauty you love
Be what you do
There are hundreds of ways
To kneel and kiss the ground.”
I always see that as worship with exceeding joy and gratitude.
Marjie, I love that poem! As you know, I’m a big fan of Rumi and Hafiz, and I bet there are others I need to encounter. Love that you included this.
Great words, great reflection, and your book ROCKED. I wrote an endorsement.
And thank you for posting on my blog today.
Oh Mary! Thank you for this. Really. I might frame that word: Rocked.
I love this RAW post. I really do.
Thanks, Laura! Once in a blue moon it happens. I finish a raw entry and realize I should just post it. I think of it as an accidental post. If I sat down and tried to write a spontaneous post about last night, you wouldn’t believe what kind of stilted stuff might come out of my mouth. Some accidents are happy. Bumping into you on the vast universe of the interent has been one of them.
Love ya, H