I’m scared.
And I’ve been scared for a while now.
I’ve put off talking about it here, because my fear feels premature. The source of my dread, the roaring lion in the street, won’t be breathing his damp terror directly in my face until May.
But that awful dark spot on the horizon grows larger every day. And for the life of me, I can’t convince my heart that it’s not yet time to panic.
The lion I fear is my dread of speaking or doing interviews for my book.
Yes, I know. Almost everyone is apprehensive about public speaking. But a mortifying incident in my past seems like proof to me that my panic is warranted.
Years ago, I had a big opportunity to do a radio interview with a show out of Denver to promote one of my books. It was a call-in program, simulcast live to more than 200 stations around the country—a real publicity coup.
The hosts were two male doctors, well known in Christian publishing. I phoned the station at the appointed time. Five minutes into the interview, a spot on my cheek just under my right eye began to twitch. The skin on my face flamed like fire and a roaring sound filled my ears.
How do you answer a host’s question when you can’t hear it?
So I did what any responsible author and grown woman would do. I hung up on the interview and collapsed into hysterical sobbing. Then I took the phone off the hook so they couldn’t call back. Then I called Dave in tears. “I just hung up on Denver!” I sobbed.
“You what?!” he asked, incredulous.
“I had a panic attack,” I wailed.
Dave called the station to apologize on my behalf. To this day, I don’t know exactly what he told them. I was too mortified to ask.
On Monday, I got the media packet for Sober Mercies from my publicist at Jericho. Just the sight of her email and the attachments made my blood run cold: How am I going to do this? And without alcohol?
Back in the day, I used to drink before every interview, even for Christian TV shows.
Meanwhile, friends tell me I’m not myself lately. And they’re right. I’m trying to hide the truth that I’m in an almost constant state of muffled dread.
Clearly, I need help. But in order to ask for help, you have to admit to need. And in order to admit need, you have to accept your own weakness.
Which is a big problem for me. I tend to show up for every personal interaction wondering how I can help. What can I offer? What wisdom can I impart? It’s an important part of my recovery to make sure I am being of service to others. But it’s also a trick of my ego, used to dupe me into thinking I can help myself.
One of my spiritual goals for this year is to learn how to ask for help. I have no clue how to be the person in need, the one to receive.
I originally intended to write this post as 7 Ways to Deal with Fear. Can you believe it? But what I really need is to hear from you. I need your prayers, wisdom, and most of all, your advice. How do you cope with debilitating fear?
Please help me.
I’m scared.
I jump right in..without analyzing it..I will pray for u
Heather,
I am following this thread although I was one of the first to comment. I am so impressed with ALL the feedback you are receiving on this GF! This is GREAT STUFF! I am, too, learning from these ideas since I am returning to my singing, public speaking, and trying to finish writing my book this year and it is all ready in full swing as I rehabilitate! So, again friend thank YOU for sharing this with us! I KNOW YOU are going to do great and we are backing YOU with Prayer, Hugs, and only the best for YOU!!
Hugs and lots of Love!!
Dolores
Heather, that is great you recognize being afraid of public speaking, but not in fear of it. Sounds like you’ve made progress. Fear may still rear its ugly head. This morning I held my hand up to God asking for His help as I believe He gave me another verse – Is 41:13 which says, “For I am the Lord, your God, who takes you by the right hand & says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” This morning I was just rehearsing it, but it actually came at a critical time a number of months ago. Those words met every emotional need I had at that time, which was a tough one.
I think it’s great your sponsor encouraged you to explore & face the fear. I even challenge myself now to step over what I call “the line of risk”. When I put one toe over that line & don’t shrink back I have made progress. I don’t chide myself if I do shrink back. I will risk again. I made that decision.
You mentioned lack of confidence may be a factor in your fear. I now understand I am a people pleaser, & that comes with a set of problems. This is my belief: I am learning if I am loved by God (& I believe I am) & seek to love Him in return by doing what He asks of me I don’t have to people please. That does not mean that I chose unkindness. God’s love is described in I Cor. 13, & is a model of how to treat people.
Fantastic that you’re willing to practice doing great in the public speaking forum, but superb that you’re willing to accept if you don’t. Public speaking ability doesn’t determine your value – God does!
I think you need to make an exception to your rule just once: go into the first interview asking, “God, what do You have for me here?” And let it be a time of discovery, rather than a time of “service”, a time of anticipating His revelation, rather than a time of trying to anticipate how you can benefit others.
Make it about Him making it about you. See what He does. I am quite certain that He’ll manage to use you to bless others in the process.
What a cool idea, Fae. I’m going to think about this more…. God is that good, isn’t he? Able to bless me to the max and through that blessing bless others. I love this.
On Mon, Jan 14, 2013 at 8:51 AM, HEATHER KOPP
A few things come to my mind (and this is from a guy who has been a broadcaster for over 30 years): 1) If you’re on meds, you may need to evaluate their effect(s) on you (and if you’re not on meds, only *consider* taking them — don’t necessarily take them) — I was on one med after my body chemistry radically changed last year, and I actually suffered from panic attacks, which I have NEVER had until then; 2) You may need to practice with several different people — your husband, a friend or two, a pastor — that may help you to be more comfortable with your answers, since you are obviously nervous (“What can *I* say that would help people” gives me an indication of where your perceived weakness is); 3) When you go on the air, have someone at your side as a “co-interviewee.” Marlon Brando had a way of going off-task, because he was so consumed with “Native American rights” that he was killing his on-air likability; his press agent would often appear on-stage with him on TV interviews — worked really well for him; 4) (Sorry this sounds so blunt, but I put it this way for a reason, believe it or not!
) It’s a job. If you’re a writer, and you have to go on-the-air, that’s part of your job.
Kind of “plain talk” (especially the last point), but sometimes we just have to hear it from someone.
The other option: Face the fact that you cannot do radio or TV. That’s OK, too. Some of us have talents in one area, while other people have talents in other areas. You are a FANTASTIC writer, and maybe you’re not strong in impromptu, unrehearsed interviews (which is why I suggested #2); where I made my living behind a microphone, but due to some mental issues, I CANNOT put my thoughts in a coherent manner to write them down, nor can I handle large amounts of information, in order to write a long-form anything. I have come to accept it as “just the way it is.” And it’s OK.
Tell you what: You write stuff, and I’ll voice it! My baritone voice may not sound a lot like your voice, but together we’ll rock the world! hahaha
God’s Peace to you — and don’t stress too much over this! It IS OK!
Eric in MN
I love this horse sense comment. I completely agree! Evere since the Denver incident, I made it a point not to ever do an interview alone–and since by then I was mostly co-authoring with Dave, we’d do them together. Once you relieve me of the fear–and I know it’s going to be okay even if I flip out–I never do. In fact, I tend to dominate the interview. Funny thing, all it takes is for Dave to start talking and I have a way to say it better! Ha. This book is a little different, since it’s my story. But I have wondered about bringing Dave along. I noticed that Rachel Held Evans did that a lot with her hubby, made him part of the story, and in reality, Dave’s a big part of my story. He’s the one who missed what was happening–how bad I was, all the hiding of alcohol, etc. So maybe… anyway, I love all your advice and I am so grateful to you. Thank you.
Wow… I just followed the link from your comment on Momastery, and I’m having a moment. I just went through similar anxieties last year while awkwardly promoting my memoir – about being a pastor married to a recovering alcoholic. Methinks we’d get along.
I wrote a bit about the whole book stuff here, if you’re interested. http://kewp.blogspot.com/2012/03/writerly-navel-gazing-in-three-parts.html?m=0
Katherine, Wow! How cool is this? I loved your site and I agree that we have a lot in common. I also loved your video where you are getting your first copies of your book. So sweet!! And such an authentic moment caught on tape. I am fascinated to see that you are a minister at a congregational church. Dave and I go to a congregation church here in the springs. I also see that we like some of the same bloggers. It’s a small, humongous world, huh? I would love to be friends and hope you keep in touch. I’ll be by and talk to you on your site soon. H
And, Heather. . . I didn’t mean to make your fear sound like not a big deal. It totally is. It’s actually the biggest fear by most people. I’m just sayin, you’ve done overcome, by far, the biggest thing in my eyes. I totally am inspired by you for THAT reason. And, if you know that those that you are speaking to totally love you and we are all your friends, talking to us will be like a coffee chat. Just sayin.
I so love your vulerability (spelling?). Maybe that’s why so many of us follow you.
Shari
Shari, I totally get you. Loved your blog post! So cool. Love your art, too. Thanks a million, friend.
Heather,
As I read your post, I anticipated you saying that your dreaded fear was relapsing back into drinking. And then, you admitted your fear was public speaking and I’m sorry, but my mind said, “Is that all?”
You have overcome your biggest obstacle in your life and that is drinking. Public speaking will be a cakewalk. I promise.
Many of my blog posts are about fear. My word of the year is “courage” and in my last post I share the story of my fairy art mother who protects me from that inner voice that says we are not worthy or it’s too scary. She even carries a sword.
Swing over to read it here: http://islandsofmysoul.com/
Maybe it will persuade you to go out and find your own faerie guardian.
Sending peace and love to you –
Shari
Heather, it helps when a host can make you feel comfortable and relaxed, so you can just have a conversation. Gee, who could that be? Well, I host an afternoon talk show on the News/Talk station of Peoria, IL, and a big fan of yours and a recovering alcoholic. I think the interview would be tremendous with low stress and do a great job of promoting your book! Even if there’s no interview, all I can say is just pray through it, God is in control. God Bless you and all of your family.
What a wonderful invitation! I’m sure my publicist would love to book me on your show and it would be fun. I mean it. I hope you’ll remind me as May draw near. For now, your encouragement means so much. H
Will do Heather! Your encouragement and writings help me – thanks.
This is just my journey with fear, & some things that have helped: I ran across a vs. (Ps. 56:3 & 4 in NIV) – “When I am afraid, I will trust in you, in God whose word I praise, in God I trust. I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?” I had read that vs. many times, but one day a light switch flipped on, & I began a very slow process of progress over fear, especially someone being angry with me. I saturate my life with reading God’s word, listening to sermons, reading helpful books, & listening to Christian broadcasting. All have helped me understand myself & the basis for my fears. Quite a number of years have passed since that 1st light switch on, but I can now be in the presence of angry people & I don’t “freeze” in fear. May the Lord help you, Heather, in all He knows you need!
Lee Ann, I resonate with this so much. Thanks for this beautiful reminder. You bless me.
“I am God’s beloved. Even if I screw up on national live radio, He will still love me and I will still be His daughter.” That’s what I repeated to myself this fall. May you have God’s peace, His shalom of wholeness.
Thanks for this affirmation and I love it.
You’ve received so many wonderful encouragements and tips here– let me join the chorus. I am a musician and am well familiar with all the symptoms of adrenaline-fueled high octane performance anxiety. What I find most helpful is the flip side of the love-casts-out-fear thing. Yes, it is a comfort to know that your are loved no matter how you perform, but it helps me even more to think about actively loving my audience, or as some have suggested here to think of loving and serving a single person in that audience. I ask God to remind me that it is not about me, it is about the ones who will hear, and I ask him to bless those listeners through what I have prepared. And he blesses me in the process.
Norm, this is beautifully put. So great to see your name here. I love that flipping of the love/fear thing. Yes, I’m loved. But remembering TO love is also huge. Thanks for sharing this small but enormous wisdom with me.
My first thought was to say to you that you have already taken the most important 2 steps to conquering this fear. First, you identified it, and second, you shared it. You don’t even realize it yet but you are well on your way to overcoming this mental hurdle. But then I had to scroll, and scroll, and scroll in order to post this reply, and of course I read through all these beautiful responses. You need to go back into your own post and do the same. How can you not be a success with your interview, when you are such a huge inspiration on this website? Your wisdom, your thoughts, and your honesty positively impact so many of us, and you will do the same, if not better, in May. Not that you need it, but I will be praying for you, and I look forward to the celebratory post when you have successfully completed your mission!
Wow. I had no idea I’d taken these important steps until you told me. But it makes total sense that they would be part of the process. And you’re right about all the beautiful responses and support here. It’s so humbling and puts me right where I belong, back in God’s strong arms and filled with calm. Today, I am calm. Thanks for taking time to write this.
PERHAPS this is the end of this fear. For good. PERHAPS Jesus has done more in you in these last years than you realize. PERHAPS you are worth being kind and understanding and patient with yourself. PERHAPS ugly, embarrassing moments don’t have to be remembered any more, and this is just a simple, potshot from a sniveling enemy that we will be laughing at when we see Jesus face to face. PERHAPS talking in confidence and from a God-given platform doesn’t have to feel awkward, because it wasn’t you that got you there in the first place. PERHAPS you can embrace this fear of fear, AND EVEN REVEL IN IT (okay, I might be getting carried away there. ha… but why not?) , because this fear of fear brings you front and center at the feet of the one who loves and SEES you. Really SEES you… beyond, and despite, what YOU or one cowardly fallen angel may want you to see. Heather, you WILL prevail, because that’s how HE is, and you are loved, and cherished, by Him and all of us, and HE has given you a message that’s important. Period.
Ah, Jane. Leave it to you to use my word for the year “against” me! No, really, this is so perfect. It is so true. And it needs to be read by me over and over. I love the way you speak right to me, Jane. I love this: “Perhaps talking in confidence and from a God-given platform doesn’t have to feel awkward, because it wasn’t you that got you there in the first place.” AMEN! AMEN!
You can do this! It’s brave of you to write about your fears. We all have them and for various reasons!!! I have this challenge every day, clouding my mind with unnecessary worry. It sounds cliche but really it goes back to the simple concept of thinking for today and today only. Each day I am able to do this I find when I reach a day of fear or dread, it seems much more manageable because I haven’t built it up so much in my head that it has now consumed me. If you can stay present you will do fabulously. Hang in there!
Kimberly, this is a great reminder that I can’t conquer May’s fears today, but I can choose to stay in the present and deal with my fear today. I had never thought about connecting fear to the practicing of staying present as a tool. But now I will. What a beautiful challenge to stay present even in moments of fear as a way to cope. Love it.
I just read this article this morning and it might be helpful! http://www.jonathoncolman.org/2013/01/07/a-guide-to-public-speaking-for-introverted-and-shy-people/
Wow! What a coincidence. I’ll go read it as soon as I’m done here. Appreciate you so much, Karen.
If we turn our fears around, they can actually be a rush! I have heard numerous accounts of people who we would not think were scared but were in fact horrified at taking whatever step it was that was their biggest achievement. A renowned professional hockey goalie was known for vomiting before every game out of nervousness and performance anxiety. But he still performed. If you are scared, you are in good company. Pretty much everyone I know who ever did anything of significance did it scared! The most significant achievements of my life were done scared as well. To me it means we are on the threshold of something great!
Chaz, I love this story about the hockey player who vomited before every game. That just might be me. But then, the fact that he goes on and still does okay? What an encouraging thing it is to hear that. I love the line, “Pretty much everyone I know who ever did anything of significance did it scared!” Thanks for taking time to share this, friend.
Thanks Heather…. the Goalie was actually renowned, award-winning NHL’er, Glenn Hall, aka “Mr. Goalie”. Wikipedia gives the following account….
Glenn Henry “Mr. Goalie” Hall (born October 3, 1931) is a former professional ice hockey goaltender. During his National Hockey League career with the Detroit Red Wings, Chicago Black Hawks, and St. Louis Blues, Hall seldom missed a game and was a consistent performer, winning the Vezina Trophy three times, and the Calder Memorial Trophy. Nicknamed “Mr. Goalie”, he was the first goaltender to develop and make effective use of the butterfly style of goalkeeping.[1] According to NHL lore, Hall threw up before each game, then drank a glass of orange juice.
I don’t have any advice, but I do understand all too well. My lips stick to my teeth (because my mouth gets really dry) when I get nervous. I taught Zumba for a while and friends suggested I put vaseline on my teeth. That helped. So, I guess I do have advice after all. Put vaseline on your teeth.
I’m praying for you, Heather. You’re amazing!
HA! That has to be the best practical advice I’ve heard: Vaseline. Now, if only someone could come up with a tip involving masking tape.
Really, I’m gonna do this. You’re about the dry mouth thing! Right up there next to eye twitching for me.
I scrolled down through all the answers … and I know I could add some thoughts to them, although there are some great answers there.
So, here’s what I want to say:
I would love to pray for you whenever you have an interview.
Really.
Whenever. You. Have. An. Interview.
Sometimes leaning into the prayers of others is what gets me through the tough times.
Beth. You. Are. So. Great. Thank you so much for this! I’m actually going to take you up on it. I have decided that I am not going to publicly talk about my fear anymore–I think this post is a great place to stop, take in all the love and prayers, and then put it gently aside so far as public consumption. But it would mean so much to me to know you were praying on particular occasions. I can tell you are one of those people who actually doesn’t just she’ll pray, but does. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
When I did my first radio interviews I was totally freaked out. Not to mention I lived in France and had to do them at midnight in the same room while my husband tried to sleep. One interview went very poorly, and the host ridiculed me. Not fun. I cried too. The only way I get through it is tell myself that this is a privilege, that there are people out there listening who need to be ministered to, and my job was to bless others and think about the listeners. When I do that, I don’t freak as much.
Mary, Mary. Thank you for this comment! I can’t imagine trying to do an interview under these conditions. And how awful that a host ridiculed you. But look at you. Not fun, but so not the end of the world for you. And yes, it is a Privilege. Your comment reminds me of the connection between gratitude and fear. If you’re GRATEFUL for the chance to talk to people, it will be much harder to feel terror. God, make me more grateful.
I always just imagine I am talking to one person in the audience. A friendly person who wants to hear what I have to share. A friend won’t be critical (in a bad way).
Vince, so great to see you chiming in on my blog. I’m so honored. Thanks for this simple but so easy to forget or miss advice. After all, you can only talk to one person at a time, anyway–I can only hear you as an individual, right? No matter how many people are in a room, they each just have their own one brain and two ears. I’m gonna tuck this reminder in a pocket in my heart.
You must be overwhelmed with ideas.
I’d only say that gymnasts overcome their fears by taking them in small doses, and repeating the act until it’s no longer scary, then increasing the fear level again. They get to triple backflips by start with a single back roll on the ground and working their way up.
Along the way, there’s a stage where they do the flips, but have nets and catch ropes and super-soft foam pits to land in. Maybe you’d be helped by having an interview exit strategy with the interviewer, someone to hold your hand, and a chance to role play it before you do it.
Love your stuff.
I’m SO NOT overwhelmed. I feel carried and loved and unbelievably filled with gratitude. I love this idea of small steps you repeat until they’re not scary. Thank you.
The main thing is, to keep the main thing, the main thing…Jesus, Jesus and more of Jesus. The only way I do this is to read scripture, believe it and pray a lot for His love and power to enable me to live it.
Cheri, this is genius in a few words. Thank you!
Relax. It’s going to be alright. While fear is a crippler, if you don’t take yourself too seriously, and you go into all of this saying “I am who I am, I know what I know and I’m ok with that” you’ll be just fine. I used to “pitch” accounts for my business. The worst presentations were always because I was trying to be this amazing know-everything, business master,creative genius guru. And while I am very good at what I do, I wasn’t that guy. The best meetings were when I told them what I thought, how I worked, why I do what I do, laughed at myself, treated them like friends, and when I didn’t know something, I told them so.
The pressure was off. I could just be me, and if they were expecting someone else, they could look elsewhere. But mostly, when you treat people like friends, they treat you as a friend, and when that happens, it’s like talking in a meeting. Speaking of meetings, there was an “old-timer” when I first got in the program that talked a lot about fear. His advice was to “bottom-line” everything. In other words, think about the worst that can happen in any given situation, and if you can say to yourself “I can live with that”, it quits being scary.
I have been afraid a good part of my life. Dale Carnegie said “My life has been filled with horrible things that mostly never happened” or words to that effect. It wasn’t until I got sober and started to try to live transparently that the fear went away. In the past 5 years the thing I feared most happened. I have lost my house, my business, my IRA and have gone bankrupt. It’s a hard thing to come to grips with when the economy can determine your future like that, but it’s ok. I have a smaller business now, I’m happy, and God must have had a hand in things that have happened because I’ve been put in the position to do things that are wonderful that I wouldn’t have been able to do if I had gotten through the bad economy. What I guess I’m saying is that even if the worst happens, God has 99 ways to Sunday to make it turn out better than it was before.
Hope this helps just a little.
God’s speed.
Chris Deitz
Chris, this is all so helpful. I can’t thank you enough for taking the time. I love the part about if you treat people like friends, they treat you as a friend, and then it’s like talking in a meeting. YES. I agree with your advice about the Worst Case Scenario. For me, it would to simultaneously vomit, wet my pants, and swear. Then I run. And it’s all broadcast live. That’s it. As bad it could get. Could I live through that? Would God still love me? Would my husband and friends? Yes. Ultimately, I need most of all to just get over worrying about ME.
In my first master’s class, I had to get up in front of the class and do a presentation. I lasted about 2.5 seconds flat before the shaking got so bad I almost fainted. Now (2 years later) I am in front of people, and they cannot even tell I am nervous! I forget I am nervous before it is over!
Part of me believes “God is doing for me what I could not do for myself” and the other part of me knows that I have practiced… a lot.
When I read your post, I wondered if there were some venues where you could practice standing behind a podium and holding a mike… safe places like your own living room, your church, your local coffee shop… and invite all your friends. Start small just so you can practice practice practice.
Things I did along the way (in my practicing):
1) held a large safety pin in my hand, so I would remember I was safe
2) put a rock on the podium, so I would remember that I have turned this over and asked God to give me the words (he is my rock)
3) asked my friends, if they were in the audience, to remind me to breathe- we had a signal
4) gave myself permission to pause and take that breathe… breathing in the holy spirit, and breathing out the BS
My heart goes out to you with gratitude. Showing up and being authentic is my step one. Admitting. Love that step!
Deborah (aka Tawanda Bee)
What awesome ideas! Such great advice here. I love the safety pin and the rock. And yes, I am going to do this practicing thing in one way or another–AM GOING TO DO THIS. In recovery, we make a point of not rehearsing what we’ll say when we speak and tell our story. But i think that’s very different than this kind of thing–and it’s not that I’m practicing so that I don’t need God or don’t follow his leading, I’m practicing because I want his message to be able to get through my nervousness. Wow. That was an aha moment for me right there. I’m not practicing to appear perfect, or to be phony, or to perform, but because I care about what I’m trying to say enough to take the time to do my best to say it well.
Heather, I am old enough now that I do not want to let fear keep me from realizing my dreams. I look it in the eye and I say “I dare you to hold me back”. Love you, Joanne
That’s the kind of spunk I need. Thanks, Joanne.
Dear 900th FB friend [:)] : As an educator who speaks on the road a lot, goes into courtrooms, etc., you would think that being asked to speak as a break-out speaker on Saturday (yes – this Saturday!!!!) would be nothing for me. BUT – the topic happens to touch my heart much more closely than my “professional” stuff ever does. As a pastor’s wife, I’m not supposed to struggle like this, right? But it is. And – though I am super pumped about the chance to do this – I’m scared out of my mind. The ‘what ifs” have run rampant in my brain this week as I driven nearly 900 miles across Northern Minnesota for work (and, yes – speaking quite a bit in the usual professional places). The only time that I have felt comfortable doing what I’m about to do on Saturday was about 5 years ago when a friend and I were asked to co-speak at a weekend retreat for women. We prepped together, we prayed together, we admitted how unqualified we felt (together), and we started the weekend off in a session together. After that one night’s session of sharing the podium with my friend, the rest of the weekend flew by without me losing my cookies or my mind. The idea of “not being alone” is strong, and sometimes we need to grab a friend, take her (or him) along for the ride, and lean a bit. All of the truths about God being with you should not be discounted; however, God often gives an Aaron or a Ruth to join us on our journey to make the way a bit easier.
Stacy, thanks so much for taking time to write this. “As a pastor’s wife, I’m not supposed to struggle like this, right?” Isn’t it amazing how we come up with these ideas? Your comment made me feel so not alone. I agree with your advice about having someone along. I actually do have friends who have volunteered, but I’m not sure they realize I might actually take them up on it!
I’ll keep ya posted. And my prayers are with your for Saturday!
I’m not sure that we come up with the ideas before the world of church thinkers tell us that is how things are.
In my husband’s first year of ministry, I was asked to play the piano at a women’s event because the usual pianist was ill and could not attend. After many protests, I went to the piano and played just the melody – at least I could do that, right? I’ve never been asked again!
The Saturday went well enough although my room was across the hall from the room of another speaker who was a native the hosting church. That – along with a topic with which EVERYONE can relate – made her room a bit more enticing than mine. It wasn’t so bad until some people actually came into my room (I thought to hear me speak) and took chairs across the hall. Total downer, but I used it to my advantage and had a good laugh with those who chose to stay in my room!
What a funny story! I love it. Love the way you handled it, too. Thanks so much for letting me know how it went. I am so glad that you are part of my blog, friend. I am going to remember this incident if I ever have to “compete” speak.
On Tue, Jan 22, 2013 at 9:04 AM, HEATHER KOPP
I hope this doesn’t sound hollow but my Bible tells me that perfect love casts out all fear. That perfect love is real and His name is Jesus. I’m sure you know Him. When He is as real as the tabletop in front of you, and you really grab ahold of just how much He loves you, especially the broken you, fear must relent and go away. Fear only comes from one source and knowing how much Daddy loves us drives it all away. It is a principle that applies to each and everyone with no exceptions. You are loved way beyond what any words can describe.
Oh my gosh. That doesn’t sound hollow at all. But as with so many spiritual truths, I know it so well in my head as an idea but have trouble translating it into my heart in a way that hits home and has impact. You just helped it do that all over again. Yes, Jesus loves me. So what can an audience to me?! Thank you!!
wow, how timely. I almost didn’t write anything. See, I have a phobia of broken glass. From years of having my father upend the table during mealtimes. Dishes and food went flying and smashed and I was always sure it had somehow been my fault. So, tonight, I was getting a cup out of the china closet when everything began to cascade down off the top shelf, hit the surface of the china closet and then the floor. it seemed like it would never stop and like glass was flying everywhere. My two dogs were nosing around, I was in tears and panicking thinking they would get cut. I think I swept it up in a blind fury. Then, I realsized it was fear that was gripping me. Hard to get a handle on. It just wasnts to be left alone to fester. I didn’t want to write about it or talk about it or anything. But, I told you. And I texted my sponsor. (Now there’s a concept that this girl has to say makes me go Hmm. Cause back when I got sober everybody’s phone was still hard wired in to the wall! (had to get away from the glass and my fear) Guess that’s my trick. I shift gears into something else. But at least I looked at it before I did. Good luck. Just breathe and pray.
Ah. Sometimes the best advice is the simplest! Breathe and pray. Breathe and pray. Thanks for your honest, insightful sharing here, Marjie! Your comments are also so great and I love seeing your name come up. Hugs.
thanks! I always think people are cringing when I start to talk. Going to that healthyminds link now. Hugs!
First, you’re going to be just fine. If I don’t stay on top of it, I can work myself up into a state of terror, but I found a cure. Instead of telling myself I’m scared, I say I’m excited! Second, spending my first eight years of sobriety in California where groups are in the hundreds of people, the focus needed to be on the one or more (yes, that’s enough) people who needed to hear what I had to say. Lastly, simple repetition. As someone who has been comforted more than once by your column, the truth is that we need to hear what you have to share.
HA!! So great. “Instead of telling myself I’m scared, I say I’m excited.” You people are so dang brilliant. Thanks for these tips, friend. Really, really great.
Wow, Heather! That’s so great you ‘bit the bullet’ and admitted your fear. The act itself of speaking it out loud has often helped me overcome some fear.
I’m not sure if you are doing a phone interview again, but if so, can you have Dave there with you? My husband’s presence has been very helpful for me in various situations.
Another big one is to role-play. Have a party, invite your friends and have one be the interviewer and the rest can be the audience.
God has big plans for you, even in your fear you are inspiring all of us.
That’s one of the kindest sentences I’ve read today: “Even in your fear you are inspiring all of us.” I agree that any time Dave can join me or be nearby, that’s good. In fact, ever since that day in Denver I’ve never EVER done an interview alone again–always had a co-author or someone do it with me. But I don’t think I’ll have that luxury here. Still, it might be possible to at least always have a friend/loved one waiting in the wings. Thanks, Denise!
You’re welcome, Heather! Keep us posted as the day draws near!
First how incredibly awesome it is to see so many wonderful responses. It truly proves that hope is alive. It is also proof that when light shines darkness retreats. My hunch is that what you have read already will certainly be a sustaining force.
Second I want to thank you for your honesty and transparency. I was working with a client yesterday sharing stop beating yourself up over this, the reality is you haven’t been exposed to a lot of people who model honesty and transparency in a healthy manner. I will be sharing your post with him.
Third I would encourage you to bring healing to your heart to the woman who was injured years ago (my hunch that heart was wounded much earlier like in childhood) but imagine yourself going to that woman today and she is asking you for some comforting and reassuring words – What will you say to her? What reassurances will you offer her?
One of the reasons I love coaching, especially folks who are reluctantly and willingly giving themselves a 2nd, 3rd and 4th chance is so that I can share with them a process of inner freedom. That process really invites two important steps – creating a judgment free awareness (What did you really say to yourself when you received that promo material) and recreating the story of your mind so that your thoughts become your ally and not your enemy – the roaring lion.
Perhaps it is time to see that roaring lion for what it really is – A TOOTHLESS KITTY!
Thanks for this awesome comment! I will think and pray about your “third” point. I think it’s true that healing happens that way. I LOVE THIS LINE THAT MY LION IS A TOOTHLESS KITTY. I also love the reminder that I need to RE create, rewrite the story I tell myself about that incident and others where I feel that I failed. Thanks so much for taking time to help me.
I’m praying for you Heather! I don’t know if this will help any, but in October of 2011, I was asked to share my story of God’s miracle of delivering me from alcohol and depression at a church service that was being recorded for their television ministry that would air two weeks later. It aired throughout the US and internationally. I’m just me…an unknown. And how it all came about is truly another miracle. But anyway, needless to say, I was beyond scared. I hadn’t talked much about my problem with those who knew me. I was shaking as it got closer knowing that more people were going to know about such a personal and painful part of my life.
That was the most difficult thing I’ve done with public speaking, but what got me through was the Lord. There’s no other explanation. I didn’t know what else to do but to just surrender my anxiety to the Lord and trust that He would keep me strong enough to not faint or have a panic attack right in the middle of it. I honestly don’t know how I made it through that interview twice that Sunday morning, it’s a blur. But I know that I couldn’t have done it without the power of prayer and the power of God Himself. My story ended up touching more people than I ever could have imagined. What an opportunity of a lifetime to glorify God and bring hope to others. Try your best to forget what happened that last time and focus on how many lives the Lord will touch through you and your book! Be strong, you can do it! God bless you!!!
Deb, I love this story. And it’s one I need to hear. And the concept of SURRENDER is so important for me, I think. I love the phrase, “I couldn’t have done it without the power of prayer and power of God himself.” That’s what I have to remember, is that I’m not supposed to be confident, I’m supposed to be dependent on Him.
There is one person out there. Only one. One. One. One and only. They are someone’s child, their mother, a father, a friend. One. And that one person who needs to hear hope is desperate. An addiction hasn’t just altered their life, it subtracted from it. They are less than they could be because of the abuse received, the calls never received and love rarely given. So…just one person is hoping to hear your voice so they know there are some who get to the other side. I’m touched by alcoholism in odd ways from those who have been overtaken by this disease. You inspire me, Heather, by talking of this fear. But if you could think of the one out there, I would be most grateful. It might be the one I love.
Greg, this is so profound. So good for me to read and remember. I can promise you this, that now I’m going to have this stuck in my mind and as they fiddle with a mic or whatever, I’ll be trying to think about and reach out to Greg’s one person. I really will. I can’t thank you enough for your response. Such an honor to have you on my blog, Greg.
Hi Heather,
I have a fear of speaking in front of “educated” people. I hated even going to the doctor as I thought I wasn’t good enough to be in their presence. I read this piece and it all made sense to me.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberate’s others.
You are a child of God Heather you will be awesome in everything you do.
Live The Life
Tom
Tom, I love this quote about our deepest fear being that we are powerful. I can’t remember who it’s from. Is it Marianne Williamson? I should print it out and put it on the wall. You are such a great friend to remind me of this truth. I don’t want to “play small.” I want to play big and risky enough so that anything good that comes out is so clearly not from ME. Blessings on you, Heather
The honesty in this post is a breath of fresh air to me.
Most of my life I have dealt with anxiety and fear around things other people seemed to breeze through. It got worse as I got older, (I’m 33) I hated doing things like ordering pizza, I would not go through drive through windows, I could only go to one of two gas stations, etc. To look at me or talk to me you wouldn’t know. And it wasn’t just that these things made me uncomfortable, they completely freaked me out – paralyzed me, reduced me to tears. Fear fear fear! When I used to drink these fears and a lot more would seem to melt away.
And then there would be speaking in front of people. You know that feeling when you are in a small group or discussion or something and your heart starts to pound because you know that you have something to share and you almost HAVE to do it, but you will have to navigate the timing and sticking your neck out and hoping you don’t start talking when someone else does and the words are all choking in your throat and you just might miss your window and the blood is rushing in your ears so you can’t hear anything anyone else is saying anymore?
I know you know because you just wrote about it, so I guess I’m just saying I get it too. And the thing is – you have so much to say. So much God has given you to say – you specifically. So of course you would struggle with it! Someone told me once “we are assaulted the fiercest at our deepest place of beauty”. I know this doesn’t give you pointers exactly on how to deal with the fear, but my hope is that there will be some comfort in being reminded that you are on the right track. This is what you are meant to be doing.
And if I were to give advice or pointers it would be – do something physical right before the speaking event if possible. 10 jumping jacks or something. I did that once in the corridor that led on to the stage before I went out to sing because I felt like if I didn’t give my body something to do it was going to start spasming out of control. It worked. And also – it gets better! For the last 4 years I have sung on a regular basis in church and other events, and even done some public speaking (celebrate recovery teachings and testimony) and as I have done it, and lived, it’s gotten less terrifying. Still hard. And every once in a while really, really hard, but that is an exception to the rule now. This past sunday I spoke up in a discussion group I was in and realized as I gestured that I was fully body trembling. My hands were visibly shaking. And I thought – wow, that hasn’t happened to me in a long time. I must have really needed to speak up. You do too! I want to hear your voice. Please don’t let the fear silence you.
Marcia, what an amazing story! And yes, I totally know that feeling of the heart pounding cuz I’m supposed to talk… I feel that even in recovery meetings sometimes still, after all these years. Thanks for the reminder that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. And for the encouraging words that it gets better. I have to believe that it will be very different this time, and it will also get easier, as anything does with repetition. Your words are so wonderful here and I promise not to let fear silence me.
Heather, Way to take the Honesty Ball and swim! I remember that fateful interview era of yours. I thought you walked on water, at least when it came to writing, spiritual thought and a lot of other stuff. It’s so dangerous to put others in that compromising position in which we often put ourselves. I had no idea you were drowning.
Today I connect with your humanness instead of my imaginings. It’s a lot easier (and dryer) than to try to follow you across the water. Somehow, I always sink, and just as I’m going down for the last time, I grasp at the hem of a Garment. It’s there I am most human, most alive. Peace dear girl. And if you want, you can borrow my waterwings.
LInda! Oh yes. You were there! You know the whole truth about me. I absolutely love what you are saying in this comment. Funny how we always look around think others have it together or that they’re not as filled with terror and self-doubt. And the hem… grasping the hem… that’s such a wonderful picture for me. But still, I WANT those waterwings! I knew there was something I was missing. I just love you, Linda.
I hear you, Heather, I do. I wish I had words of advice, but I’m shaking in my own boots similarly over just.this.exactly. But I’ll tell you what… If you don’t mind a hug from a stranger (yet a sister), I’m doing that just now, with parentheses, of course. But these are some very heartfelt, I-totally-get-what-you’re-saying parentheses. ((Heather))
And, I prayed for you, just now.
Oh how wonderful! I love those kinds of hugs. And those prayers. I don’t think I have to know you to know you, you know? Love this, and it helps a lot to remember that every single other author in the world has had to face their own fears in this way, too. I am going to be okay. I just realized it.
Oh my! I have that “constant state of muffled dread,” too. I wake up in the morning with a knot in my stomach, in a state of near-panic. And mind is also because I’ll be doing some public speaking. What is working for me, so far, to beat the beast of fear away, is this realization: That the fear is from Satan, seeking to keep me from doing those things which God has made me to do. And, as my friend pointed out, he’s seeking to just plain suck the enjoyment out of my life because he hates me. When I remember that the fear is not from God, I can tell it to go away, and turn to Him who gives me life and courage. Then the knot recedes.
I’m also reading up on public speaking, and doing some more “practical” things. I’ll be saying my speech out loud, over and over again, even though I feel silly telling my dishes and my kitchen and my husband the same words, over and over again. But I want to practice until I can recite it in my sleep.
I’ve also read, for doing interviews, that you can do something very similar. Basically, you write out all the questions you might get asked (or, even better, you send a list of suggested questions to your interviewer, so they look smart and like they have had time to read your book), and you practice saying the answers out loud. You don’t read the answers, you just say them. Over and over again. Get someone to ask them, so you can practice answering. Do it until the answers roll off your tongue without thought.
I got a lot of info from Michelle Mazur’s blog (about speaking) and from the book Platform by Michael Hyatt. (He especially talks about interviews and book publicity. It was really good.) I’ve also been reading up on Introverts, and just getting comfortable in my own skin, and being okay with not having an answer, on the spot, for everything, because that’s not the way my brain works.
I’ll be praying for you! And I’ve already pre-ordered your book.
Amanda
Amanda, I almost missed your comment! Don’t ask me how. I had a friend say something very similar to me yesterday to what you said here. I agree that there’s a battle being waged. And I also like your reminder that being practical is important, too. Practicing. What a concept! Actually, I’m pretty sure Jericho is going to hire me a media coach, which sounds scary, but probably just means I’ll go to weekend workshop or something. It will be so good for me. Thanks for ordering my book already! My heart is so filled right now with the love in these responses. Humbling and so kind of God.
Trust, breath, and a hand to hold. You are loved.
I want you to know I just took a deep breath and took this in. Thank you so very much.
I just love your posts, Heather, because you are real. Showing honest emotion is something I need to do more of – especially in my writing.
Okay, you’re scared now, but Christ is in you. You are a new creation. Satan only wants you afraid to move because he wants to silence your voice – the voice you use to proclaim Christ. Now, who is going to win? I know the answer! Love you~
Kim, thanks so much for taking time to write this response. It’s beautiful and true. And now it’s tucked in my heart.
Hi Heather,
I don’t have any advice as I am afraid of almost everything. All I can offer you is my prayers and that I will do.
God’s peace and blessings, Nancy
That’s gotta be one of the most honest comments ever written. You know what? I’ll take it–your prayers aren’t the booby prize, they’re the big stuffed bear I need.
Oh friend, you have my prayers. I have wrestled with fear and anxiety, largely in the past. I am going to write you an email. Right now I wrap these words around you… love to you and may his peace envelope you during all the days leading up to May.
I can’t wait to read the email! I am so grateful for your friendship and support. And I feel that love wrapping me up. I do.
Sent you an email.
oh my goodness, this is so much like the kind of thing I have been confronting, even TODAY (my second public speech of the week!!!) I am RIGHT there with you.
Consider my prayer this morning:
God help me to be scared enough that I am mindful of what I say and lean on You through it,
but not so scared that I get a nervous tick,
or fall over,
or start doing the chicken dance when I forget what I was going to say next.
And here’s the thing, the ONLY reason we can do this- because HE DOES HELP. You know this and I do, but it is STILL SCARY, and that is OK!!!
I will say I feel both relieved and upheld after my experience today, but I’m not really sure if that’s because I NAILED IT or because I’m just glad it is over. I think I flailed around a lot, but I get to rest now.
Prayers for you… and remember, you can do this not because you are equipped NOW, but because HE will equip you THEN!
http://www.weakandloved.com/2013/01/jumping-in.html
Emily,
I LOVE THIS. Your prayer is awesome. I’m for sure gonna borrow it. I knew it–that my readers would come through with great ideas. And you’re right. It’s okay to be scared. I totally relate to that relief of a thing being over, so much so that you can’t figure out if you did well or just that you are ecstatic that it’s over. The funny thing is, if I can over myself and sink into the conversation that’s happening–connect with the person interviewing or someone in the audience, I actually do okay. You’d never know I was terrified. But in many ways, it’s the fear of the fear that gets me. The fear of the panic attack is what will bring one on… Ironic. Thanks so much for your encouragement.
exactly- getting over myself (how am i doing what are they thinking?) is a HUGE part of it. I have tried to focus more on what I am saying and why it is important than on that other stuff… easier said than done though, because WHAT will they THINK!?
So, God help us to speak in such a way that we are clear, that we say what needs to be said, and calm our nerves enough so that our message can be heard! Use us to help people to think about our topics, and may they go away with an impression other than, “Wow, that girl was really nervous!”
Heather,
My heart goes out to you right now friend. I can relate somewhat to where you are. I just realized recently that I have spent my 48 year life span paralyzed spiritually, emotionally, and physically throughout my childhood due to fear. What has helped me is lots of positive self talk, prayers of course, but most of all simply “facing the fears” one at a time and rewarding myself in some small way for each time I was able to successfully face and eventually deal with the fear then replaced fear messages with faith messages such as…..
At age 17 I had been crippled since 12 years old..I was taken to a chiropractor for 1st time who found a pinched nerve in neck, dislocated jawbone etc…He sat me in a room and told me to say aloud: I will not go to college, I will not drive a car, I will not be a normal child. I reversed it and said for several hours aloud: “I WILL go to College! I WILL drive a car! I WILL be a NORMAL child!” God won out!! I am 48 years old. I have a GED, BSW, CNA certification, and 2 Masters degrees pending.
The same visit another fear crippled me (literally): The dr. took me to the hall way and was teaching me to walk again with a handicap ramp and rail! I panicked. Crying and sobbing doubled over in serious pain..he looked seriously but genuinely into my eyes with such passion and said; “Dolores, YOU can do this. It will take YOUR Faith in YOUR GOD to make YOU whole but I am right here with YOU! Take one step at a time Dolores and do not look back. This process took 3 long hours and through falls, cries, and frustrations telling him to stop..I cannot do this..He looked at mew and said with love “NO! I will NOT stop! YOU can do this and I am not going to let YOU quit! Once I caught my breath and we had a heart to heart talk about the process which helped too I began applying every command he gave and whispering “In The Name Of Jesus” for each and every step! TODAY, friend I am walking as if there was never an issue. I say face the fears and for each interview go in saying “In the Name of Jesus!” Then reward yourself in some small way after each one and find positive friends as i know you have and share your feelings on a consistent basis..I am here with you Honey..I am still learning too to ask for help…hope this helps..love and hugs..♥ Dee
Your story is amazing. Truly. Dolores, you are a wonder. I like your point about facing the fear being the main thing, and the idea of a small reward when I do. I need to show that kind of compassion for myself. Loved this response and I’m SO grateful for your time, words, and wisdom.
Heather this was me that replied here anonymously..lol..gf..i have no idea how I did that but anyway it was me..LOL
Dolores
Thank YOU Heather for all of the encouragement Friend. YOU are so worth my time, attention, and any support YOU need on your journey..Just know you have a friend in me. Thank You for your daily words of wisdom that continue inspire and empower me to make positive strides in my journey. God Bless You and YOU are MY inspiration.. Here anytime you need someone to listen, pray, sing
haha ..Good Day Heather 
An email waits for you …
Yay!
A basic principle in my program has been making my own serenity more important than anything . Yes, anything. So if I’m feeling out of sorts, I usually ask myself, “What am I making more important than my own serenity?” Then, I check my breathing. I also have a list of 5 things I can do within 5 minutes to get back my serenity: 1. Read a poem/say a prayer. 2. Call a friend. 3. Go for a walk. 4.Get up & stretch muscles. 5. Play a game.
OKAY. SO HERE’s the thing. Your avatar picture is MY FACE. Ha. On a serious note, I love these practical suggestions!! So helpful.
You have such an important message Heather. This is your hour. I pray (today and in the future – you asked for help, now you’re on my “list!”) that the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead will fill you, overpower that debilitating anxiety, and anoint you to accomplish all He has in mind for you. When you don’t have the faith to believe He can do this, your brothers and sisters will believe for you.
Wow, Vicki. Knowing that I’m on your list is so cool. I love that last line: “When you don’t have the faith to believe He can do this, your brothers and sisters will believe for you.” Thank, thank, thank you.
I don’t think I have any great advice about handling fear. I guess I’d just let myself feel it and acknowledge it, but not let it stop me from doing what I need to do. Also, although it may sound basic, you may want to ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” related to this fear. Okay, so you might turn red, babble, get diarrhea of the mouth? Is that okay?
Is it fear of not being liked? Of looking like a fraud? Sometimes identifying the specifics will help.
BTW, when I write these things,you KNOW I’m thinking of myself!
Just saw your book cover in your sidebar— absolutely gorgeous! Can’t wait! xoxo
I don’t have a wondrous, clear cut answer for you. All I can tell you is I just signed up for Toastmasters this week. My first meeting is next week. Am I scared? Yes. Am I crazy? Maybe. Hopefully I can let you know later how it goes! Do I believe you will conquer this? Yes!
Toastmasters! You know what, that’s something my agent suggested once. I always jokingly call recovery Toastmaster for Drunks. But it’s different somehow than the mic thing, or the being at a podium thing… Please DO keep me posted about how it goes for you. I just might hafta try it. You don’t live in the Springs, do you?
If I did we could go together, how much fun would that be? But, alas, I do not.
Still, if you decide to go in your area, keep in touch and we can compare experiences.:-) I am on Facebook. Blessings!
Heather – see this page – http://www.healthymind.com/s-distortions.html – note in particular distorted thought # 5b. I find reviewing these thoughts from time to time a healthy thing. I fall for ALL of them. Reda them – work the steps for whatever ones apply. In Jesus – Pastor Rick
Thanks for the tip, Rick! I love this kind of help–things that shine light on lies that trip us up. I need to make a list of lies about this and counter with truths.
Sweet daughter of Chriist. You can’t do this. I have fallen on my face more times than I can stomach to recall when faced with public speaking. You can’t do this is the lie the liar lion will never cease to roar. But I have prayed for you that your faith will sustain you. And Jesus has you in a very good place. Not a safe place but a very good place. And I praise Him for what he’s done and will do through his beautiful daughter Heather!
Paul. Wow. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
First of all get out of my head. You might be more comfortable if you weren’t channeling my emotions. I could start by telling you all the things that sound trite to me, like mind over matter, blah, blah, blah, but i really don’t want to hear it myself. In hopes that this mood is connected to the phases of the moon I will say that when it breaks I’ll keep a good thought and pray.
Ha! You’re so funny. Thanks for the prayer and I hope you’re right about the moon…
It always helps just to hear someone else say, Me too.
Doing better, step by step. Good to see the follow-up post.
I used to have this debilitating fear about driving over bridges. Different but the same in a way because its really about control. Most of my fears are rooted in thinking I will somehow be put in a position I don’t know how to control or incapable of doing anything about it. I read “Things Unseen” by Mark Buchanan and it changed me. I can drive over bridges now. I still get a little nervous but I have given up thinking I have thinking I have that much control. If I die, mess up, embarrass myself, God is still in control of my life and there is really not a lot I can do about that, except ask for forgiveness and walk in obedience to the best of my ability. I’m not sure if I’ve even conveyed my experience well. But I do have faith in you and know you can do this. For sure, God in you, moving through you, can do it.
Thanks, Shelly! I get the bridges thing. Yikes, I have nightmares about driving over bridges in cars–they’re always completely unrealistic, more like wild roller coasters that take you upside down and would never truly exist… but fear is like that. And you’re right, it’s about that need to be in control. And I can’t believe how often I sift my fear down to that need. I also love your line, “if I die, mess up, embarrass myself…” I use the worst case scenario thing to help me. Worst case, I simultaneously barf, wet my pants, and run from the room. Would God still love me? Would Dave ? Would you? This helps. So kind of you take time to write, Shelly.
Heather, I thought of at least four things to advise concerning dealing well with fear. But you know them all anyhow. They’re among the things you would have written in your post “7 Ways to Deal with Fear.” So I’m praying and speaking Grace to you! Grace now, Grace in the moment, and Grace throughout. Grace to you!
Aw, thank so much, Jim! You’re right that I might know a couple things in my head, but grace is that thing I need most to sustain me. Thank you.
I don’t know if I have any answers for you. I have dealt with fear for most of my life, mostly in the form of hypochondria. While I am better than I have ever been (mostly with the help of a mild antidepressant and a lot of counseling) I still don’t have it completely beat. I will say this though, you’re not alone. I will pray for you about this difficult place in your walk. It’s always funny to me how we try to trick ourselves into thinking we can handle our own issues….just when we think we have it figured out and are surrendering what we should we find that we are hiding something else! You are doing a great job bringing it into the light so grace and healing can begin, thanks for your courage.
Thanks so much for your honest response here. Amazing how much the simple words, “You are not alone” can mean. I’m so glad you wrote.
Ironic (or maybe not) that I had time to read your blog today. I have been fearful myself, especially in the last couple of days. Mine has to do with an ongoing medical problem that remains a mystery, but is getting worse. Have I prayed? yes! talked to my sponsor? check! worked with another alcholic? Yes!. i am baffled as to why i cannot shake this, but as i was wrestling with this this morning, the word “acceptance” came to mind. and i guess i need to accept that today i am fearful, accept that today I may not be able to be everyone’s cheerleader or eveyone’s “savior”. maybe today is my day to learn how to truly accept where I am at this very moment, that I can’t fix everything, and that possibly this to shall pass, and that there will be something learned at the end of it!
THANK YOU for your honesty!
Kathy, I can’t believe you’re commenting here. So awesome! Thank you so so much. Acceptance is so huge. I am so sorry about the medical issue. I am praying for you today and it does me so much good to hear from you.