Art by Georges Rouault
Yesterday I came across this prayer from author Brennan Manning, a fellow recovering alcoholic. I loved it and thought you might, too.
“Jesus, my Brother and Lord, I pray as I write these words for the grace to be truly poor before you,
to recognize and accept my weakness and humanness,
to forgo the indecent luxury of self-hatred,
to celebrate your mercy and trust in your power when I’m at my weakest,
to rely on your love no matter what I may do,
to seek no escapes from my innate poverty,
to accept loneliness when it comes instead of seeking substitutes,
to live peacefully without clarity or assurance,
to stop grandstanding and trying to get attention,
to do the truth quietly without display,
to let the dishonesties in my life fade away,
to belong no more to myself,
to not desert my post when I give the appearance of staying at it,
to accept the limitations and full responsibility of being a human being—really human and really poor in Christ our Lord.”
I particularly resonate right now with the line, “to do the truth quietly without display.” I love the idea of “doing the truth,” because I am so used to thinking of truth as something I know in my head, not something I do. Kind of like how I used to overvalue beliefs (head) and undervalue trust (heart).
I also loved the phrase, “the indecent luxury of self-hatred.” It’s so easy to assume that self-loathing is somehow a virtue when it’s really a self-centered indulgence that makes you less inclined to deny or sacrifice yourself.
What lines stand out to you? Maybe you could claim one of them as your prayer or mantra for today.
Reblogged this on Journey Toward Shalom and commented:
I am grateful to Heather Kopp for sharing this prayer on her blog (soberboots.com) by Brennan Manning, a Christian brother and author who helped me understand and experience God’s lavish grace in my life.
I really like this prayer – it touches on so many aspects of our often painful growth. “Forego the indecent luxury of self hatred” jumped out at me as well. It made me realize that self hatred is another way of trying to feel special (i.e. I’m so much worse than others), and what a relief it could be to let go of that.
What a fabulous prayer, I love it! In fact I used this to close in prayer yesterday morning when I visited woman’s recovery home that I sometimes go to with a couple of people from church for their “spirtual hour”. The lines that stand out the most in particular to me are “to forgo the indecent luxury of self-hatred” …. “to rely on your love no matter what I may do” … “to accept loneliness when it comes instead of seeking substitutes” (this one is really powerful) … “to live peacefully without clarity or assurance”…. Well all of it really
. In fact I am forwarding this to many people that I know will love it and one of the women at the recovery home asked me to please print it off and bring it to them next week. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!!!
Yay! I loved hearing this. Thank you for letting me know that Brennan’s prayer is being repeated. He’d be so blessed to know this, I bet. Especially that it’s being shared with women recovery. You’re such a great example to me, Lori. Really. You just made my day.
On Thu, Jan 24, 2013 at 9:38 AM, HEATHER KOPP
Oh yay, I love that Heather!
Brennan Manning is a brilliant man of God but sadly has not had success with sobriety. He admits this in his last book. (Truth) His poetic giftedness conjures the image of person in a struggle with self bondage. This is exactly what I pray to be freed from in the Third Step Prayer. “relieve me of the bondage of self, so that I may be better able to do Your (God’s) will.” Victory over them bares witness to others.. The key to freedom of bondage is to turn focus to (others) and off (self.) Fixating on my problems becomes a pernicious form of self-centeredness. As the sober years increase, prayer becomes more about Jesus and less about my consumer needs. One of the best ways to deal with issues of self-f bondage is to be a sponsor and take somebody through the steps.
PEACE
Thanks for this comment! I know that Manning has had his setbacks and relapses. But I also think his suffering has resulted in a tender heart and deep compassion for others. Many people don’t have “success with sobriety” if we consider a relapse failure–especially if we forget or don’t count all the days a person WAS sober. I have a dear friend who has relapsed a lot over the years, and she likes to joke that she’s not a chronic relapser but *a chronic seeker of sobriety*. It’s a good way to put it. I can’t tell you how much I admire people who fall and then have the courage to keep admitting it and keep coming back. It’s mysterious how we all walk a different path and yet we all want the same things. I agree with you SO much that the steps and sponsoring are KEY! Thanks for bring that up. Thanks so much for chiming here, friend. I hope you’ll do it again.
On Thu, Jan 24, 2013 at 9:13 AM, HEATHER KOPP
Crap. I agree that this is a wonderful prayer and I want to feel all those things and allow the prayer to give me peace. But for where I find myself today (day 6) I just feel defeated by it! I feel like I have so far to go before I can recognize the difference between grandstanding and saying I hurt . . or feeling the difference between accepting loneliness and becoming isolated. Sorry – that’s what came to mind. I have a long way to go but I do understand that this prayer is right for me. That is the direction I choose to go. Fake it till you make it I guess..
Vanda
Vanda, I so get your response! It’s a prayer that is really meant more to remind us of the stance we hope to take in our hearts… it’s not a prayer that is a gutteral cry for God just to HELP. Oh man, do we need those prayers too! And God swoops in to catch us when we pray that way. Not with eloquence or noble principle or poetic words–but with desperation. And here’s the thing. Not every prayer is right for every person at the same time. For me, after I fell off the wagon and was trying to get sober a second time–it was harder than the first. It really was. The ache felt deeper, there wasn’t the excitement to push me through, there wasn’t the newness and sense of just having been rescued from the ocean. Instead, I battled cravings, and despair, and regret, and shame. I had to find a way to go deeper into that emptiness and cry out for God than I ever had before. It hurt. It sucked. It was also the way home. And eventually, I built a better foundation that was way less me-focused and gave me greater compassion for others. I don’t know how it is or will be for you, but just know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be today and you don’t have to become anyone else or go anywhere else or do anything other than ask for help today. Much love, H
On Thu, Jan 24, 2013 at 9:07 AM, HEATHER KOPP
Thanks for sharing this prayer. Grace and truth shine from each line, and I am finding it hard to “pick one”. For now, I’ll choose “to celebrate your mercy and trust in your power when I’m at my weakest” for reminding me I am not in charge, no how, no way. I felt the tension in my shoulders relaxing as I reread it, which means I’ve been stressing again without even realizing it. So many good comments here in addition to your thoughts. I am not familiar with Brennan Manning, but will want to read more in addition to keeping this prayer for meditation.
Karen, I’m so glad this prayer spoke to you. I had that same reaction. Ahhh. Yes, I forgot. I get to be poor and weak and it’s okay. Thanks so much for taking time to respond here. Hugs.
On Wed, Jan 23, 2013 at 2:10 PM, HEATHER KOPP
I’m not trying to butter you up by saying the same two phrases hit me. I use a meditation process in which the first question is “Is it true?” The idea of doing truth is powerful. The luxury of self hatred. Ouch (in a good way).
“to live peacefully without clarity or assurance,” this is me. Being a people pleaser, I want someone to validate me, my actions, my thoughts. I used to want to know that I was right, because I always had to be right. I grew up being told I was always wrong, so being right was very important to me as an adult. Always seeking approval of certain adults, yes I am an adult now but with some people I still revert to being a child, is something I have had to work on. It was hard, still is at times, to take an action that I know these adults may disapprove of. But I have come a long way, and today have confidence in my own judgement. Today I have other people that I bounce my thoughts off of, not to be validated, but to get honest feedback from people I trust and get great guidance from. It’s healthy. Today, sometimes I can feel an action is right, though I have no evidence that it will be (I call this the guidance of the Holy Spirit). So even though I don’t have the clarity to move in a certain direction, or assurance that it is the right thing to do, I can take that step in faith. This comes from trusting in my higher power. I have seen proof in my life that when I put my trust in God, He shows me He is faithful. My YouVersion app verse of the day is Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.” Amen! Thanks, Heather, for another great post.
What a wonderful response to Manning’s prayer. I can so relate to the idea that “with some people I still revert to being a child.” Amazing how that works, isn’t it? I love the way your describe your process of walking in faith–but also using tools and others to help you make good judgements. This entire response is just lovely, and I’m so grateful to you for sharing it. My readers should all win a best comments award. Seriously.
…”to let the dishonesties in my life fade away”…….Yes, yes, yes! So tired of not being able to speak my truth. Tired of fear and judgement if I do. Learning to just. let. go. of what others think and to live comfortably in my own skin. Learning that it’s OK to rest in Gods unending Grace. Love your heart, your words and your blog Heather.
Valerie, I could have written this comment myself. Learning to just. let. go. … Yep. That’s the path I’m on, too. It’s hard but oh so wonderful to learn this freedom and to trust that God’s will isn’t done through me when I’m people pleasing or posturing or pretending–but when I’m willing to walk in the truth–”do the truth” to the best of my ability based on who he made me and where I am on my journey. So cool that you responded here today. Thanks, friend.
I have been wanting to respond to your last couple of posts……….time has kept me from it but I so want to encourage you- your blog is awesome, your heart open and full. . First I love Brennan and this prayer. Thank you for it. I also need to say that I see your “fruit”. Your KINDNESS in answering each person who writes to make them feel appreciated. And the way you desperately try not to offend anyone-your MEEKNESS and HUMILIITY and your LOVE. You are ordained by God to write, your words help others more than you know. You often speak my mind and confirm things my heart is asking. I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you. Here is my two cents for what it is worth.
Grace is defined as the love and mercy given to us by God because God wants us to have it, not because of anything we have done or didn’t do to earn it. -and I believe in the freedom that comes with it; freedom from obligation, freedom from having to prove oneself, freedom from having to earn acceptance, freedom from worrying that I can fail so much and be rejected or condemned—There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Believing this I experienced a peace that I equate with Christ’s light and easy burden. Could it be that simple? Reading the responses I became a bit unsettled…….and was wondering if you or your readers thought there are different degrees of sin? We all sin and are guilty of something. Who is guilty of the worse offense, the liar, the adulterer, the glutton, the divorcee, the drunk, the self indulgent, the self centered or the proud, etc. etc. Leviticus, the book of the Bible which stipulates death for homosexuality, requires the same punishment for adultery, pre-marital sex, disobedient children and blasphemy. Seems to me that only one group is shunned in this day and age.
We all have addictions, inferiority and a history, ….stuff that separates us from perfection. But I am made perfect through Christ and his sacrifice. It’s not about me or my sin it’s about him. Period. When Jesus walked this earth, He despised the spirit of separatism, elitism, and self-righteousness . I don’t see how someone announcing their perceived failings of others is supposed to communicate the heart of Jesus. Love is our command and Only God is the Judge.
As the body of believers- all should be finding solace, salve for our wounds and refreshing living water from the well but instead we struggle to define “truth”, Christendom becomes a place of cold unacceptance, obliterating judgment, intolerance, lack of compassion for wounded people, and the kind of piety and hypocrisy that acts as if they have truth cornered and are a step closer to God because they have a different conviction.
I think everyone is born innocent and trusting and whole and then their life and sets of circumstances mold them. Many are damaged along the way. If we fill our voids wrongly and end up fighting demons of alcohol, drugs or sex it is because of choices we made. And the consequences of our actions then come into play. I believe that God knows the number of hairs on our heads and the hurts in our hearts. He knows what it is that we aren’t understanding and where we went wrong and he works constantly to woo us back to him with love acceptance and understanding. Who among us wants to be in bondage to anything? God understands us. No matter what we are into. We should extend the same to each other. That LOVE regardless of religion or belief is always the answer. God is Love and anyone who lives in Love is living with God and God is living in him” . – 1 John4:16. Grace is the willingness to look for the reasons why the people around us do the things they do. It’s the desire to understand a person’s story and to see how that story shapes their choices. It’s the choice to love even when we don’t agree
Thanks so much for this meaty, amazing comment! Oh, I’m so glad you found the time to put this down. I kept nodding my head as I read it. Sadly, I especially agree with this line,”…but instead we struggle to define “truth”, Christendom becomes a place of cold unacceptance, obliterating judgment, intolerance, lack of compassion for wounded people, and the kind of piety and hypocrisy that acts as if they have truth cornered and are a step closer to God because they have a different conviction.”
I also love: “Grace is the willingness to look for the reasons why the people around us do the things they do. It’s the desire to understand a person’s story and to see how that story shapes their choices. It’s the choice to love even when we don’t agree.”
Beautifully said. I am so grateful for readers like you who take the time to lovingly call all of us to love. As I mentioned in another comment, it’s amazing how much we Christians don’t value unity among ourselves as the highest good when this was the main thing Jesus begged us to do. And unity doesn’t mean agreeing on all things–it means loving each other despite our strong and diverse views. I am so fortunate to have so many readers who DO get this and who express opinions with kindness.
Again, thanks.
,…”to not desert my post when I give the appearance of staying at it” This one speaks of pretenses. It is so easy to fake everything these days — even to ourselves. We can be gone in spirit and heart LONG before we’re gone physically.
But I was also struck by: “Jesus, my Brother and Lord, I pray as I write these words for the grace to be truly poor before you.” In America, the last thing we want to be is poor — in anything: In finances, in relationship, in intelligence, in reputation, in spirit. Being poor speaks of being naked, ashamed, pointed out… purposeless, helpless, worthless, useless. Less.
But in Jesus: Less is more. And in the words of his cousin “He must increase while I decrease.” This doesn’t mean to be ‘weird’ or religious or cultishly ‘whacked’… It just simply means being authentic with him, with ourselves, with others. It means letting people SEE, not hear, the One we fell in love with, the One who is so worth loving.
This just means falling in love all over again so that I don’t desert my post while giving the appearance of staying in it. (..which will often mean my heart breaking, and the renewed realization of how poor and destitute I am without him… not always fun, but oh so needed)
Oh, sweet Jesus, let it be so.
Ah, Jane. Your words here really touched me. You managed to expand on this prayer in a way that I didn’t have time to do. I LOVE this. Thank you, thank you for your honest and thoughtful response.
“to accept loneliness when it comes instead of seeking substitutes,”
Seeking substitutes is what always gets me in trouble. I’ve been at home alone for months now, trying to find a job and until a week ago using Facebook as a guard against loneliness. I had an anxiety attack last week – related to some FB drama – and realized I needed to get off altogether for a while and not go back until I have some boundaries. I’m going to call my autobiography Firstborn People Pleaser and Co-Dependent. I love Brennan Manning.
Ah, FB drama! Amazing the power of the online social scene. Seeking substitutes seems at times like the full time job of some part of our heart. That part never stops looking for an easier, softer way through feelings than feeling them. I love the title of your autobiography. I know you’re joking, but you should write it.
The timing on this is perfect as I have been dealing with this:
- to seek no escapes from my innate poverty, – to accept loneliness when it comes instead of seeking substitutes, – all week.
One of my daughters moved to Norway last summer and I miss her so much, and I have found myself in that squirrel cage again running around in my head trying to escape the loneliness and pain of missing her. I spent all day Monday, praying for the ability just to deal with the pain and not seek escape. To just accept that life is and not make it what I think it should be.
This was a major turning point for me, i.e. the realization that life is not perfect, that we must accept the pain because when we can do that then we can fully accept and enjoy the good.
What a beautiful response, Nancy. I am sorry for the pain of missing your daughter! Man, I can relate to that one. It’s amazing how much we miss our kids once they’re grown, even if they don’t live far away. I miss the younger versions of them, you know? I am so glad you shared this with us. Praying for you.
I miss the younger versions of mine too. Sometimes I look at their faces and try to see a glimpse of the child. They think I’m weird, lol.
Yeah, it is really hard around Christmas not to miss the younger faces. I think about Santa, and presents, and decorating the tree, and Christmas morning, and yada, yada, yada, and I just want to go back 20 some years. Growing old is not for sissies as my husband always says. However, you just have to start making new traditions and new memories. It helps
What a glorious prayer, and one I intend to share… accepting limitations resonates with me. As I age, I find myself less able to keep the brutal schedule I set for myself, time to let it go to focus on what God wants and to rely on Him in ALL things. Thanks, Heather for this wonderful start to my day.
Helen, I’m so glad you liked this prayer, too. It was through Manning that I came to understand the importance of what Jesus meant when he spoke about “blessed are the poor in spirit…” Thanks for taking time to comment. H
“To accept the limitations and full responsibility of being a human being…” This…this…tension in the dance and the struggle in finding the perfect pitch place of where the limits stop and start and the true responsibilities lie. Heather, man am I glad you shared this.
Wow, what a beautiful way to resay the meaning of this line. Love this! Thank you.
I. Love. This. Thanks, Heather. That “indecent luxury of self-hatred” line caught me as well. Also, “to accept the limitations and full responsibility of being a human being—really human and really poor in Christ our Lord”, especially the “full responsibility of being a human being” part. That’s one of my greatest challenges now. Again, thank you.
Thanks for sharing here, Lori. I like being poor alongside people like you.
“…to live peacefully without clarity or assurance,” Oh how I pray and strive to understand and be reassured…that’s just not faith….
This is beautiful Heather…thanks for sharing!
YES! That resonated with me as well. After 4+ years of sobriety, the hardest thing for me to do is to live with uncertainty, particularly in close relationships. I find myself constantly looking for reassurance from my husband. It’s tiresome for both of us. Thank you, Heather!
I hadn’t thought of this in terms of relationships, but your comment is so true! Thank you.
I love your comment as well as B.G.’s. In a way we’re always called to live this way, without certainty or assurance… It’s choosing peace in that that can be hard. I am so glad you both shared about this.
The line that caught me by surprise was “to forgo the indecent luxury of self-hatred”. Yes, it is a luxury and a waste of time! Thanks Heather!
Yes, it’s so easy to forget that one, isn’t it? And to forget how self-hatred can mask itself in so many little ways… Thanks for commenting, Joanne.
……to seek no escapes from my innate poverty,
to accept loneliness when it comes instead of seeking substitutes…..
Thanks for sharing this…. these lines were my choice….. I often experience a sense like Manning is walking alongside, looking inside my soul, relating, and then communicating the words that come as a gentle breeze of understanding and relating….and then I remember who is speaking through him…
Tom, you and I feel the same way about Manning–God, too.
Thanks for sharing.