Art by Lucy King, used by permission
Last week I got an email from a reader who asked for prayer because she is trying to do something really “scary.” I expected her to go on to say she was moving to a Third World country or going to have to speak in public.
But what had her so scared was a recent decision to “surrender to God’s will.”
I so get this. Somewhere along the way, I too picked up the idea that the only thing scarier than missing God’s will for my life was signing up for it.
The logic of my fear went something like this: Since trials and hardship bring spiritual growth… and since God’s main concern is not our happiness, but our holiness… surely, his will for me is bound to bring misery, right?
Not long ago, I was in a recovery meeting when a woman I admire told us, “When I’m not sure what to do, I do whatever is hardest or will hurt the most, since that’s probably God’s will for me.”
I didn’t know whether to admire her more—or run screaming from the room.
Of course, God does allow us to suffer pain and he does use it to help us grow. And yes, the right choice is often a difficult one. But that doesn’t mean all suffering comes by God’s hand, or that his plans for our good always have to hurt.
Thankfully, I no longer believe that God doesn’t care about my happiness, or that he is so intent on my spiritual progress that he is bent on taking me down the most difficult path possible.
I think it’s just the opposite. If God is a perfect, loving Father, it has to be.
Think about how we are with our own kids. Sure, we allow them to learn hard lessons and suffer painful consequences so they’ll grow up to be good people who love God and others.
But if given half a chance, we’d also follow them around all day trying to ensure their landings were soft and their sufferings minimized.
I think God is like that with us. And if you ask me, the same logic applies to the idea of knowing God’s will for my life.
Back in the day, I didn’t think so. I thought God’s plan for me was a huge mystery that I had to solve–or else. If God was feeling generous, he might leave a few breadcrumbs on my path. But if I missed these signs and took a wrong turn, it was all my fault, and I might be stuck in God’s plan B—or even Z—forever!
Of course, God is not like that. Would you watch your own child taking a wrong turn and wait for her to get lost in order to make your point that she should pay closer attention?
When I first got into recovery, I was surprised at the ease with which most of these folks—many of whom had no religious background—spoke about God’s will. They didn’t seem to fear it, nor did they seem greatly mystified by it, either.
By their example, I came to understand the logic of love. I learned that I could trust God to guide me gently, without tricks or traps. And I learned that God’s will for me happens naturally as I surrender my own will to him.
I don’t have to search high and low.
I don’t have to be afraid of where God will take me next.
I only have to do the next right thing he’s placed in my path.
I’d love to hear your thoughts today. Do you ever feel afraid of God’s will?
Not just afraid of his will, but afraid of him. In fact, it happened last weekend. I’d like to be over thinking God is punishing, but it creeps in at the strangest times. Thanks for assuring me he’s not. I needed this post.
Thanks, Kim. I just posted another post and I’m afraid it’s occurring to me that fear and worry are a clear theme lately!
On Wed, Mar 6, 2013 at 11:45 AM, Heather Kopp
I can remember being terrified of His will. And I definitely have friends who think the hardest, least welcoming idea is probably the one that is God’s idea. But I’m totally with you that He’s an even better, more loving parent than we are! Today I mostly find His will to be the safest possible place in existence.
So well put, Karen! Yay. What a wonderful way to think of God’s will–as the safest possible place. Thanks for taking time to comment here, friend.
When I was struggling to quit drinking I remember yelling at God that free will was a stupid idea. I knew His Will for me was sobriety and I wanted to want it because I knew His will was where Joy was. But I kept chasing pleasure over joy. Finally I was broken enough to submit my very stubborn will entirely to God. I felt the shift physically in my brain like something broke. And I’ve been given this amazing gift of sobriety.
Oh you touched on one of my favorite distinctions–the enormous, important difference between pleasure and joy. I never got that fully until I got into recovery. Pleasure can feel good but at the same time hollow–while joy can happen even in the midst of pain. II am so happy to get to know you number 9. Sometime you have to fill me on the significance of your name.
9th child in a family of eleven kids.
For I know the plans I have for you, Says the Lord. THEY ARE PLANS FOR GOOD AND NOT FOR DISASTER, to give you a furutr and a hope. In those days when you pray I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you, says the Lord. I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land. JER 29 11-14 I view the capativity and lack of frotunes our condition in sin and wandering away, not seeking his will. Not fear in rushing to the lord. The other week Douglas challenged us to commit to move closer to God in the following week,at Real Life Fellowship, thru an exercise he suggested. Afterword I spoke with someone who said he was going to try it but he was trembling about it. I think he had it wrong. I want to find out next week what his experience was.
Donald, I wanted to thank you for this comment–sorry I’m late doing so. I love the the verse fro Jeremiah that you quoted. Let us know what your trembling friend discovered.
Great post, Heather. It sounds like a “Boomer” view of God. Gen X doesn’t seem to live under quite the same burden, and I don’t think the Millenials feel at all like God is this scary.
> Of course, God is not like that. Would you watch your own child taking a wrong turn and wait for her to get lost in order to make your point that she should pay closer attention?
Here is where I start to question the details of your argument. God is absolutely like this. He absolutely watches us go down wrong roads, even when we’ve prayed emphatically that He might stop us. But this is different from God’s will. His way is to require of us that we grow mature and wise, by whatever incremental means it takes for us to get there. His will seems much more open, though. He seems almost even to embrace our will as His own, when it’s wise.
And that’s very much in line with wise parenting. It’s that acquiring of wisdom that’s so difficult and that God seems to allow us to do at our own pace.
That God doesn’t live to make us do things we hate and are made miserable by is an excellent truth. Thank you!
What a great point! I agree with your opening statements. Totally. I was talking to someone over lunch today who was saying basically that–that she never got these ideas. I think those of us who were part of the evangelical church culture of an earlier time are more likely to feel this way. All this to say: THANKS A LOT FOR REMINDING ME THAT I’M OLD.
I get your point that God does let us go down wrong roads–we have free will. But what I think I was trying to get at is this idea that he leaves it all up to us to discern the right direction–and he doesn’t go out of his way to make things obvious–in order to teach us some kind of lesson. Maybe that happens, but I don’t think it’s God’s character. I think he genuinely wants us to know his will each turn and makes it as easy as possible for us to find the right path. Does that make sense? If he doesn’t make it easy, it’s because he has a clear good intention for not doing so and in that case, you could say it’s not his will that we find that turn he has in mind immediately. Thanks so much for your thoughtful and honest reply! Love that.
I have to say, Heather. You make commenting on your site a very pleasant and affirming thing. I hope you know how valuable that gift is you give. I certainly do. Thank you.
And I’m OLD. It’s easy to remember.
Thank you, Mr Anonymous. You nailed it! A Boomer view of God. I never understand all these people that said they grew up with a punishing guilt God because that wasn’t my experience at all but I’m a GenXer, and like you said here yes they’re all about a decade older than me, so it’s a generation thing.
Yeah. I don’t remember when I noticed that, but it’s really a matter of the preaching we grew up under. I was converted when a preacher told me I’d probably committed the unpardonable sin and was damned no matter what I did with my life. It was a valid conversion and uniquely fitted to my personality (just the way a basin is uniquely fitted to the puddle living within it), but it’s not as common a sermon these days as it was in my generation.
Oh. My. Goodness. I have been having a few days of these thoughts and they are not unique. I am stunned by your post today. I do not have words to express how timely it is. I heard something powerful in a meeting. The speaker said originally he glossed over step 2 because he had always believed in God so of course God could restore him to sanity. But he had to go back and work that step to believe God WOULD restore him to sanity. That’s me all over. I needed the reminder that God is our perfect father (not my actual father) and would never cause suffering and he would never let suffering be without purpose. Thank you.
Charise, I am so glad this post was timely for you, and I hope it was in a good way. I love this comment about the second step! Striking. Thank you for sharing it. I am praying for you friend. I feel the deep ouch in your soul and I care. Big, long hug.
I agree wholeheartedly, Heather. I do happen to be one of those people following God into something really scary – moving our family to a developing nation as missionaries (and I’m 40!). After being almost through the first leg of our journey, and even though this has literally been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I see God as a loving Father in it – to me, not only the nations we hope to bless. I thought it was just other cultures, from ancient to present that saw God (or the gods) as malevolent, but maybe that’s just ingrained in our fallenness – that God is just plain out to get us. As I read the Scriptures, though, it is bleeding, well, He is bleeding, “grace and peace.” That phrase is everywhere. Kind of like “It’s ok. I know this is so hard. I’m with you” being said over and over again. God doesn’t expect us to get it all perfectly right, He knows we’re dust. But dust infused with the Divine, nevertheless, and a Divine who calls us “friend”. Thank you for speaking life to me again today.
Wow, you really are headed into some potentially scary stuff–which is when I usually like to substitute the word “exciting.” I love your idea that seeing God as malevolent is partly engrained in our fallenness. I mean, what better lie to dissuade us from trusting God with our whole hearts than to convince us that he is secretly sort of out to make us suffer? Thanks so much for this wonderful response! Hope you’ll stay in touch and let us know how it goes.
to ladybaobab: “God doesn’t expect us to get it all perfectly right, He knows we’re dust. But dust infused with the Divine, nevertheless, and a Divine who calls us “friend”.” LOVE this. Prayers for you on your new exciting journey.
Thank you, Heather and Jane for your encouragement and especially for your prayers. He is holding us securely!
Please excuse my Lutheranism. Lutherans confess that God’s will is for all men to Trust/Believe in Jesus Christ. Apart from that we have freedom of the Gospel. We should avoid doing bad things and actively do good things; not for God, but because it’s good for our neighbor(s). When we fail, we confess to God (and each other) that we are crappy people. But, for the sake of Jesus Christ and his suffering and death, we are forgiven.
Beyond that, we believe God continues to bless us either way. So is it God’s will that I wear black or white socks? It doesn’t really matter. God was happy to give me socks in two colors. I should wear the ones I like (and try not to be a jerk about it (and then tell God I was a jerk anyway and receive forgiveness)).
Sorry about the drive by Lutheranism. A friend posted the link to this article, I read it and couldn’t help myself but respond. Please forgive me and may God be merciful to me.
You should check in often Jeffery…for my part I like how you think. If and when I’m forced to wear socks I normally try to wear one of each color. I had no idea I might be a good Lutheran in the process! The only Lutheran sermon I ever remember hearing was on “Orderliness”. It was many years ago but I think I still have black and blue marks from my husband pinching me so I wouldn’t laugh out loud. Stay with us if you can…this is a good community. Christine
I think this is great. And I just have to say: May God bless your socks off (whether they be black or white). I couldn’t resist.
Love your Lutheranism. Love Lutherans. One of my best friends is a Lutheran, although to be honest, I am not very good at identifying denominations based on doctrine or theology. I am so glad you felt compelled to comment–and I hope you’ll do so again. Great stuff!
Jeffery, your to-the-point, simple and wise comments sound suspiciously like my husband’s, and like kansasbob’s, and … maybe it’s more a ‘man’ thing than a Lutheran thing. Either way, love your thoughts.
Terrified!
You get the award for most honest reply of the day! I have a Starburst (they had no licorice at the airport store…). Will that do?
Absolutely!
The mystery is also the magic. It is just so darn baffling that I have to laugh… cause noboby could make this stuff up.
It is in the letting go that I get so much returned to me.
It is in the following without knowing that I get so much clarity and insight.
It is in loving no matter what that I get all that love back ten fold (or seventy times over).
It is baffling and brilliant all at the same time!
Deborah,
I love the way you think. Great little piece of poetical but profound advice here. Thank you for blessing my blog with it. I agree with every word.
Wow, beautiful words here today, my Friend! The truth you state here rings loud: “the only thing scarier than missing God’s will for my life was signing up for it.” That transcends to every area of our life. I never thought of love as logical, but since it is an intentional action, logic certainly plays a role. Well said.
Thanks so much, Donna. Your comment made me realize that I was actually contrasting the logic of fear–the series of conclusions I came to early in my faith–with the logic of love–the series of conclusions that I arrived at later in recovery. It made me want to change a couple words in my post, which I normally try not to do–but I did it anyway. Because I could. If only we could do that with our published books! I better enjoy it while I can, huh? Hugs to you friend.
One night at the end of our bible study Steve broke out a written contract for us to sign. We had been reading Acts 7:54
[ The Stoning of Stephen ] When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him.
By signing the contract we were praying to boldly stand for the Gospel to the point of making people mad enough to stone us too. I can laugh now, but that was a different kind of fear then. That wasn’t the kind of getting stoned I was used too.
Yesterday after the “We Are Not Saints” meeting a newcomer asked me about our seriousness vs. meetings more his own age. I said something about a casual look at our program will lead to a casual relationship with God. And then I said flatly “That won’t work.” This morning we met for breakfast and we had I great connection! God had prepared the way. We are going through the steps together. I glad I don’t have to explain how happy I feel to you Heather! You get it! See nothing to scary. Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. The next event on today’s path is that same meeting. That’s in 30 mins, so by for now!
ACK! ACk! I’m starting to sound like a commercial for alack, aren’t I? Isn’t it amazing how well-intentioned Christians can arrive at these ideas? I mean, it’s great to be willing to suffer for our faith, but so often instead we suffer for stupidness and blame it on Jesus. You’re so funny, Bruce. “Not the kind of stoned I was used to…” I bet you’re such a gift to your groups. Happy meeting, friend.
Heather, I think all of us have fallen into this trap, I know I have. You hit it on the head again with this post. My early church experience was long on the “don’t” list thinkgs you don’t do and if you do, then God will zap you. That is not what they said, but somehow that’s what was communicated to me or how I understood it. I guess maybe it is just so hard for us to understand how God loves us SO unconditionally. He does allow hardships and sometimes He lets us walk right into the pitfalls He wants us to avoid, but unfortunately that is how we learn…..great post! Lori
I so relate to this comment, especially the part about how it wasn’t said, but it was communicated. I am so grateful that you take time to talk to us here, Lori. I always get a lot out of your responses. Hugs to you.
Sometimes I fear God’s will – but I grew up in Fundamentalism. I feared pretty well everything growing up. I learned early to worry about what people thought of me. “You did THAT? And you’re the preacher’s daughter?”
One summer in college I worked at a Bible conference. Two other college students who were good buddies prayed daily that God would send them heavy trials. I still feel weirded out about that. Even back then I had the idea that God knows what I need and I don’t need to volunteer for extra duty. Some days I feel blessed just to have made it to bed before I collapsed. Sign up for more? Nope. I’m definitely a Day by day and with each passing moment… person.
Thank you for sharing. It encourages me to hear back my thoughts from other people.
Ah fundamentalism can be fundamentally scary. I had me some of that, too. ACK! Praying for heavy trials? ACK! Weirded out for sure. Really, it’s also heartbreaking. Sorry for all the Acking. Day by day is much a better way–and to my way of thinking, if your burden isn’t heavy enough–instead of asking for more problems, help carry someone else’s, right? Great comment, friend.
Ah, yes. I’m so glad you wrote this. I grew up as a pastor’s daughter and was steeped in church culture that believed what you described. It has only been more recently that I’ve realized the distance I’ve sensed from “God” was really me subscribing to perversions of his image through the culture of my church experiences. You put into words much of what I’ve been thinking about during the last part of my spiritual journey.
Oh, dear sister, my heart aches for those of us who grew up in church with images of a mean god. I cry for passing it on to my children. But my gracious Abba is genlty leading me to Who He really is and I sing to my precious grandbaby, “Jesus loves me this I know…” What redemption to be in His love – I sense you are there, too.
I love the line “perversions of his image through the culture of my church experiences.” I so get that. And the important word here–”culture.” So much of what we decide is true of God is so often determined by what we pick up from others through a process of osmosis that isn’t always trustworthy. So glad you took time to comment. Thank you!
I love this Heather, such wisdom you share. I couldn’t agree more with you about finding God’s will or surrendering to it. I often thought it meant doing something horrible or being put in a place of being uncomfortable for the rest of my days. Now I realize, it isn’t that at all. All the things I might have given up for following God where small change compared to the joy I found after doing it.
Shelly, what a great reminder that following God’s so often brings us joy, not the reverse. Small change indeed. I couldn’t agree more.
The line between the sacred and the secular is an imaginary one. I always think of God’s will as becoming more like Jesus in whatever we do.
Thanks Bob. Great simple wisdom, which is usually the best kind.
I gave a talk once about the verse that states suffering produces perseverance and perseverance produces character. My main point was I didn’t want to have much character if it meant I had to suffer! I would just go on as my character-less sef! But I guess we don’t get to choose whether or not to suffer. We choose what to do with that suffering. Great post to start the day!
LOVE this comment. I don’t want much character either, if that’s what that verse means.
And yes, you put it so well that we don’t get to choose not to suffer, but what to do with it… Hugs to you, friend.
Hi Heather…
From your post…. “When I’m not sure what to do, I do whatever is hardest or will hurt the most, since that’s probably God’s will for me.”
Funny…. I adopted this practice almost exactly for a time. My thinking and behaving was so skewed, that I figured I would take the above extreme as it couldn’t be any worse. I simply said to myself that whatever I naturally thought to do, do the exact opposite or scariest.
Like you, I discovered that this wasn’t quite accurate. It was however a good starting point. It was swinging the pendulum to an extreme in the opposite direction as a time of emphasis to open my mind, and break old patterns.
And like you, I have discovered that God’s will unfolding and followed does not require massive pain and drama every time. It is more often calm and natural if I let it be that way. (But the unrecovered part of me just loves that drama!).
Great post to start the day with!
Ciao.
Chaz
Chaz, thanks for this rich response. I like your statement that “God’s will unfolding an followed does not require massive pain and drama every time.” So well put. I especially love the true image of God’s will unfolding–rather than it being a series of dramatic turns and big decisions that require crisis. I love the way you think.
this is good…this is very good. And I think God is too. Which makes suffering something I’d rather blame on our state of fallen-ness. that’s right…I don’t write, I draw pictures, so I can make up words like fallennnesss.
Christine, thank you. I love the word fallenness.
And I agree with you.