I’ve seen other bloggers do this—apologize for something they said in a post, be it the tone or the words themselves—and prayed I’d never have to. My ego recoils at the idea.
But it’s 4 am here and Dave’s out of town and I’m wide awake and lying in bed thinking, Oh no. It’s my turn. I wish I hadn’t said some things the way I said them in my last post. Isn’t it amazing how sometimes our soul surfaces truths in the middle of the night?
Let’s start with this. My comments about my church sounded boastful. But worse, they could easily be taken to mean that we don’t value doctrine or embrace the basic tenets of Christianity—which couldn’t be further from the truth. So I feel like I owe an apology to the people I fellowship with who care a great deal about their theology, especially when it comes to beliefs about Jesus.
I think I also owe an apology to others of my fellow Christians for making it sound like I think the only “right way” to be a loving Christian is to not care about “right beliefs.” I am so sorry. And I can see how it would have surprised and offended many of my readers whose hearts I really care about.
Ironically, I thought I was being of service by exploring a question raised in a previous post. But instead, I said some things I regret and I think I sound arrogant and peevish in spots. And here’s the thing: I am arrogant and peevish. It’s not a mistake in writing, it’s a mistake in my posture and attitude.
I guess I’m mainly talking about those several paragraphs in the middle of the piece.
What I wish I had said better is that beliefs matter HUGELY to us in the Christian faith, but it breaks my heart when I realize how often in the past I—not just all you other less enlightened folks—have required people to share my beliefs before I was willing to open my heart to them or extend the kind of love God lavishes on all of us and that precedes any kind of belief.
If you share my Christian faith and felt betrayed or troubled by my last post, I sincerely apologize and I thank you for your objections—spoken, written, or simply sent my way via your concern or prayer.
If you loved that post or parts of it, that makes sense, too. Don’t second guess yourself for seeing the beauty in the message. I was trying to say some important, true things about how community happens. Thanks for your comments and reposts.
If you love me and know me well, don’t worry too much about me after reading this. Yes, it was painful to realize my mistake. But I do not plan to beat myself up or allow my ego to shame me or have drama about this for days.
I plan to accept the peace of heart that comes from making amends as best I can and go back to sleep now.
Thanks for listening. Hugs and love, Heather